


I douse everything in Kerosene and watch it burn

by Pure Angst (Luke_2020)



Series: Too Broken to Love [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Cutting, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Isolation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Other, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Toxic Behavior, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26417248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luke_2020/pseuds/Pure%20Angst
Summary: Connor ruins all of his relationships. It's what he does. Plutonic, Romantic, Aquaintance, it doesn't matter. Whoever you are, Connor will slowly but surely drag you down until you have to break it off. It sounds sadistic, but Connor has no idea how over time he becomes so toxic. He doesn't try to hurt people, he just does. He's accepted that fact. No matter how many apologies and no matter how heart felt they are, Connor never gets a response and his only way of closure and to make amends is with a razor blade.
Series: Too Broken to Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922662
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	I douse everything in Kerosene and watch it burn

Connor sat in his room and shuddered. The time read midnight. Hank and Sumo were asleep. He took out his razor and placed it on his inner thigh. He remembered the one time Hank caught sight of his scars. The look of disappointment on his face will never leave his brain. 

Connor sliced his leg once. The first cut always hurt the most. He hissed and watched red begin to bead on the wound. There was barely anything dribbling out. Connor called himself a pussy and found another area to run the blade again. He needed to make the wound deep and painful enough to understand the pain he put others through.

Because that’s what Connor does. He burns bridges. No he doesn’t try to hurt people, but he still does. And nothing he has ever tried has changed that. His longest friendships since, well…  _ middle school _ was about nine months. He was actually in a group. Four people and then himself, all of which he met in his previous job. Everything went well, until one day he noticed that his friends stopped responding to his texts.

He thought it was fine, until days turned into two weeks. He asked one in person, and she told him that she was told not to talk to him again to ask the other three why. He gets angry and sends a text to the member he knew the longest. She tells him that Connor started acting like he was better than everyone else, and was too critical of one’s artwork, but in so many words. 

He sent out personal apologies to the rest, and heard nothing. Four down in one day. Nice. Back to current day, and he’s deleted all of their phone numbers. This caused him to spiral and say too much personal info to someone he doesn’t know too well. The other person didn’t want Connor to drag em down with him.

Another one~! 

Connor made sure to tear his flesh in five distinct, deep, painful cuts. One for each relationship he royally fucked up. It wasn’t enough. At his new job, his co-workers were trying to invite him out and to get to know him. Sure, they’re just being friendly, but that’s the problem. They are just setting themselves up to burn in Connor’s fire.

Honestly, If Hank wasn’t so dependent on him to be a surrogate son, Connor’s not sure why he was sticking around. He liked his job, but god he’s just going to have to leave it soon because his co-workers rather have him dead, they just don’t know it yet.

Connor then slashed his thighs to ribbons. He used an old shirt to mop up any blood threatening to spill onto the sheets below him. He chuckled to himself. Someone once told him that he was too rude, too blunt. Connor tried to change, he hated hurting people, but no matter how hard he tried he would eventually crack. His real self, one of sarcasm, dependency, insecurity, attention hungry and egotistical self would shine through.

Because under his cute puppy-dog eyes and charming wink, he’s an asshole. A toxic, abusive asshole. He’s been to therapy. He distinctly remembers leaving one session saying a phrase that sums up his true personality perfectly : I’m leaving here feeling worse than I came in. Thanks for fucking nothing.

It wasn’t all of his lovely one liners, though. He once told another therapist to get an abortion, purely just to get her to leave him the fuck alone. His flirting sucked, too. The lines that came out of Connor’s mouth could fill a website dedicated to cringe.

Trying to amend his sins, Connor worked down his legs. For today, in honor of having to either blow off his new ‘friends’ for their protection or setting them up for failure, Connor made a goal to cut behind his knees. Autumn was coming, so he’d have plenty of time to heal with long pants on. He just had to take necessary precautions to prevent himself from scarring noticeably. 

After he was done, there was quite a lot of blood soaked into his T-shirt. He sat on it and watched videos on his phone to let his wounds scab up. Scrolling through his socials, he found a comment from a long time ago from someone he was once a friend to. It hurt more to look at the screen than the stinging in his thighs.

His phone then dinged. He was added to a group chat with his new ‘friends’ that are planning a lake trip tomorrow. 

Connor said that he was expecting company and couldn’t make it. 

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think is wrong with Connor? Why do you think he can't change?


End file.
